Bad Ass Women

I have been exceptionally inspired lately by the women of the world; women in my life, women I read about, women I see on the news, women who are struggling, women who are on top of their game; ALL WOMEN. And I know it’s not just me who is feeling these vibrations. For me, 2019 has been a year of women coming together to support each other in all ways and I seriously feel the love in my bones. Maybe y’all have always been this way and I’m the snobby one who was too stuck in my own head to realize how phenomenal we all are.

This year has been life changing for me because I feel…actually, I KNOW that I have finally begun to come into my own and have found a self-fulfilling purpose. I did not come to this place on my own and as a matter of fact, if it weren’t for the women I know and the women I observe, I may still be stuck in a rut.

Let me share something about myself; or the self I used to be. I am (was) a jealous person. Blame my true Scorpio nature or just blame Evan; whatever works. It is a quality that I have been aware of forever that I ABSOLUTELY HATE. Jealous is one of the ugliest things you can be...AKA a hater.

But I have been a silent hater. The worst kind.

I wouldn’t even verbalize my thoughts to those closest to me; I’d just keep it all bottled up in my hater mind. Because God forbid someone smell my hater tendencies. No no no, I’d rather just hide behind a pleasant face. The reason why I was this way is no secret to me now that I’ve come to terms with it and grown the F up.

When you are dissatisfied with yourself, everything kind of sucks. I can express happiness for others, happiness I truly feel; but then rack my brain at night wondering why I couldn’t make the same moves. Yes, it is sad. And if you’ve followed my blogs for some time or just know me personally, this may not be a surprise to you.

Finding out how to creep my way back into the professional world has been a life saver. Rediscovering my passions and remembering what I’m actually good at should have never been at a halt. The doubt I have felt over the years shouldn’t have existed. But Alas, it was a part of me, a part of my past, and I own it now as a grown ass woman. And while I have all the support in the world; a community of family and friends who are real movers and shakers in the world, my ego has often taken over and pushed out common sense.

I have been afraid to rise.

A waste of time.

I was inspired last week by friends of mine (Chelsea and Chaya Crowder) to write a book a short stories about my life; something I have endless material for. Blogging is a fabulous, electronic way to communicate my thoughts but there is no reason why I can’t step my game up into something tangible and more in depth. I find so much peace in writing my honest feelings and maaaan do I have some stories; crazy, somber, joyous and jaw dropping stories.

I hope whoever is reading this doesn’t think I am biting off more than I can chew. *Record Scratch* OK, I don’t really care if you think that because accountability is my word of the year, so, watch me work.