New Parents - Relationship & Sex
Disclaimer: I am going to discuss sex after baby, if you couldn’t guess from the title. So, if any of my 300 brothers are reading this and don’t care to know those details, please look away. Sorry, not sorry.
I always envisioned myself being able to easily find the perfect balance between being a mother and being a partner. Every parent I know (our parents especially) always encouraged us to spend as much time together as we could before Maya came; which we did. After my nausea dissipated around 4.5 months, I was able to find more joy in the regular things: going to the grocery store, going on a walk and sitting at home not doing a damn thing. I tried to think of fun activities for us to do together, knowing half of the time (okay, maybe ¾ of the time), we both just wanted to eat and lay on the couch.
After having Maya, Anis and I found joy in just sitting in bed watching TV, eating snacks as we watched Maya sleep peacefully in her bassinet. Those newborn days are crazy when you’re a first-time parent, but it only gets crazier. So much happens in such a short time frame that I‘m amazed I’m sitting here reflecting. Time truly flies.
For my entire pregnancy, until Maya was about 3 months old, Anis was working on John Wick 3 (long production). On average, he was gone 12-14 hours a day (crazy LA traffic time included). When I was about 5 months pregnant, we went to New York for 2 months for part of the production; came back to LA as he continued to work long days, apart from 1 off week he was given when she was born in early August 2018. In October 2018 he and the rest of the cast and crew went to Morocco for almost a month for the rest of filming. So, as you can see, our time together as a family was limited in the early days, making it hard for he and I to have real time to ourselves as a couple. Not to mention, amid his crazy schedule, we bought our first home, which I moved into by myself (with movers of course), as he was out of the country. You get the picture. It was a crazy time.
It wasn’t until the holidays that we were able to plan for REAL alone time. It’s no secret that after having a baby, your sex life changes; just a fact of life. Life doesn’t stop, bills still must be paid and the pressure is on. Anis and I got to the point where we had to make sure we planned for time together. With him working long hours, I understood his need to unwind and have time for himself. As someone who has been in a relationship for a while, I’m happy to say we’ve always maintained spontaneity in that category. I remember fearing that having to plan alone time would take away from the fun sexual spontaneity brings.
Long story short; it didn’t.
When you have physical and emotional chemistry and know what works for the other person, the fun will always remain. I don’t have any complaints in that department with my partner, and I never have. If there’s anything he and I get right, it’s sex. I’ll leave it at that.
* EDIT:
I forgot to mention that aside from wanting Maya to be sleep trained for her own independence, I desperately needed it for MY independence. I am just not a mom that can sleep with her baby; I cant do it. In our bed, she is far more restless, wakes more frequently and just all around drives us crazy. Do you know how many times I’ve planned to have sex after putting her down and my plans were entirely ruined because I would cave and bring her in our bed!? I love my baby, but I also love my man. So sorry Maya, Mama and Papa need that time.
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In the last 3-4 months we’ve been a lot more social and active outside of the home. At first, I was nervous leaving Maya for a few hours with anyone other than our parents. Now that my 14-year-old niece has been on babysitting duty, I am comfortable going out for the night for 5-6 hours. It’s been so healthy for us. It’s fun to get dressed up, go out to eat, go to a bar, get a little drunk and enjoy each other. I feel so comfortable where we’re at right now; but it does not come without effort. There were days we’d have a date night planned, he’d come home from work, more tired than he expected, but made sure to get out of the house because it’s ESSENTIAL.
Anything is possible when you make the time for it.